At our house, we call them birthday parents. One of my former FD’s got confused when I explained about her birth mom and called her “birthday mommy.” I immediately loved it as birthdays are such a positive thing and thankfully, her birthday mommy loved it too. And to this day, 8 years later, we still all refer to her as birthday mommy.
Navigating the world of biological parents can be scary. However, for the most part, I have found bio parents to be scared, broken and hurting people. People who just want to get their kids back.
My first encounter with a bio mom was at a CFT (Child Family Team) meeting, when I was fresh and new to foster care. I don’t remember a lot from that meeting, except when the social worker asked the bio mom what she wanted the permanent plan to be, if she couldn’t complete her plan for reunification. I watched her face wilt, the tears poured out of her eyes and then her hurriedly leaving the room.
In those minutes she was gone, I sat wondering how any mother could even begin to think about that. She came back in minutes later, and laid out a plan, part of which included her daughter staying with me, a stranger to her. Her child had only been with me a short while, and I was already dreading the day she left, so I couldn’t even imagine how she was feeling.
I learned a lot that day. Mainly this, Lead with compassion. Compassion for the foster kids, social workers and bio parents. Many of them come from broken homes and hurt places themselves. Being compassionate leads me to treat bio parents with respect and dignity, which in turn shows our foster/adopted children that we care not only for them but for their biological families as well.
Written by Jenni Josifek
